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Jan. 23rd, 2010 @ 12:01 pm Intro Post
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: You Should Drink Milk - MIku Hatsune
Hello my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

I've been following this community for a while, mainly because of my own qualms with having children but having nowhere in the church to actually come out and say it.

To me, children haven't become a blessing.  Too many treat them as a rite of passage, a biological item of bling-bling we show off to show how much we love God, and in worst cases, a way to show that we're Christian and others are not.

I hear the usual arguments:
-"Children are a blessing!"
-"The Lord said go forth and multiply!"
-"We have to raise up a mighty army!"
-"That's what God made woman for!"
-"You must fulfill your purpose and please your husband!"
-"You are of the world if you don't want children!"

Honestly, to me, these bingo phrases fall into several categories of selfishness, idolatry, and subtle eugenics.

I'm told that I need to "want" children because I'm a woman.  I'm told that I'm selfish for not wishing to give my womb to my husband.  I'm told that I'm going to allow radical Muslims and atheists take over America if I don't reproduce.

I have an issue with the last comment, particularly because a lot of Christian people DO take this into consideration when they plan their families.  It's not simply a matter of wanting a lot of kids.  It is literally a matter of outbreeding other people.  That is scary to me.  That is not productive to me.  That is not loving to me.

You're literally saying "I'll make more of me so there will be less of them!"  It's a villainous thought because, if atheists were to say this, we'd be in an uproar about being oppressed.

I've been told countless times about Sarah and Abraham, about how she begged him for children, saying "give me children or I shall die."  They use this as proof that women have a maddening desire for children.  I would have one too, back in those days, because it was expected of women to bear children lest they be seen as cursed or as "untrue women."  We're not living in those times now.  We as women don't need to prove ourselves to society by breeding.

I've discovered that God's main purpose for me isn't simply in my womb; it is in my heart and my mind.  I've taken to ministering to the homeless, and I find that a lot more fulfilling than getting impregnated every year and "raising up an army" under the notion that I should outbreed other people.

I'm told that I've taken a far too worldly, far too secular standpoint on pregnancy and children; I'm told that "good Christian women" love having children and fulfilling their duty as baby-makers.  It doesn't matter what other types of service for Him I'm doing; if I'm not reproducing, I'm still the daughter of Eve, spawn of Satan, and a worldling.  That type of persecution hurts.

I believe life is sacred, and that the ability for a man and a woman to come together and have a child is pretty awesome.  But it's not the end all, because babies don't make everything better.  Not all the time.  Look at how many children are aborted, or worse yet, put into the catastrophic meat grinder known as the adoption system.  This should be a testament of how parenting, pregnancy, and child rearing are not as easy for everyone as we've brainwashed ourselves into thinking. 

That said, adoption is something I've been pondering since I was a child.  Everyone deserves a chance at life, yes?  If that's the case, we should give chances to those already born before we start popping out broods of our own in hopes it keeps "those other people" as minorities.

Sorry for the rant, but eh.
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From:macychick
Date:January 24th, 2010 03:29 am (UTC)
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The next time someone tells you that you aren't Christian if you don't have/want to have children, simply say to them, "Jesus didn't have children, either." That should shut them up.
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From:salad_barbarian
Date:January 24th, 2010 11:46 am (UTC)
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"I'm still the daughter of Eve"
Who do they think they are the daughters and sons of? Lilith?

Pray for them that they might learn about God's love and acceptance. Some people are called to have children and some aren't.
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From:pandora_ilona
Date:January 24th, 2010 06:39 pm (UTC)
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I think that God has a whole lot of different goals for people. Unfortunately most Christians I meet don't see it, and only see goals as how everyone else has done it.

Fortunately for me, I think God opened my eyes, and showed me a greater world out there that needs love and protection. Like the tigers and the great cats, and the animals that man has destroyed. One of these days all we'll have are common house cats and we'll never know the greatness that was a tiger...
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From:rena_librarian
Date:January 31st, 2010 12:37 am (UTC)
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If that's the case, we should give chances to those already born before we start popping out broods of our own

I agree--the most Christian thing would be to avoid creating children until all the homeless, starving orphans/abandoned children are adopted. I have a cousin who ALMOST gets it--she and hubby had four kids and now that the youngest is about 11, they've been fostering and adopted one kid--but it still feels like "so close, and yet so far" to me.
From:amberkl
Date:March 1st, 2010 05:47 am (UTC)

Completely agree

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I'd like to start off by saying that I found this blog just a few minutes ago and I love it. I had no idea there were other Christians out there in this crazy world that feel the way my husband and I do. I thought everyone thought that if you didn't have kids you just didn't fit into God's plan. I really have been struggling with this a lot lately, because I feel that I cannot relate to many women at my church (or in life...in general). 97% of the married couples at my church have kids and it is VERY discouraging every time they ask the question "when are you going to start having kids?" My husband and I have cats and our own life. We like to travel and attend college football games. We like to sleep in, when we can. He works with the middle school boys at our church while I help out in the children's ministry. I LOVE kids.....I just don't love the idea of raising my own just because the "world" thinks it's the cool thing to do. In the even that I do change my mind, I'd absolutely LOVE to adopt kids. I feel like we have too many children in this world that are discarded, but they still deserve to be loved. God has adopted us all into a great family, so why can't I return His loving favor one day? God is going to love me and have a purpose for me regardless if kids are in the picture or not. That is something I keep reminding myself every time I'm approached with questions from the in-laws: "Doesn't the Bible say that we should be fruitful and miltiply?"
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From:rgb_mic_mic
Date:March 25th, 2010 10:10 pm (UTC)

Love your song

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Go Miku Hatsune! Well that's what attracted me to this post and this community in the first place.


Personally I'd love to have children someday just because I think it would be nice to see raise them up and see the offspring of me and my future husband.

However it is not of God for anyone to persecute or give anyone a hard time because they don't want to have children. God called some people to want to save the orphans and some to raise their own. Either way we have got to love others no matter their choice.
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From:kat144
Date:April 2nd, 2010 06:24 pm (UTC)
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-"Children are a blessing!"
Unless, of course, they're not--I replied to someone else wondering if they're a blessing to people who are disabled (I know of women who were told they MUST NOT get pregnant because of some medical condition they have--they could die if they did, and of course there are plenty of other mental or physical disabilities that could make raising a child difficult), or people who are poor and can barely feed themselves?

-"The Lord said go forth and multiply!"
Yeah, he said that twice in the Bible. The first time was Adam and Eve when there were only two people on this planet. The second time was after the flood when there weren't many more. IOW, both times were when the earth needed to be populated. I think we can all agree the population situation isn't quite the same these days.

-"We have to raise up a mighty army!"
Hey, isn't that probably what those Christian militia folks that just all got arrested for plotting terrorism though?

-"That's what God made woman for!"
Because women can't accomplish ANYTHING else. We weren't given brains or other skills/abilities for any reason whatsoever except to waste them.

-"You must fulfill your purpose and please your husband!"
This assumes that every man wants kids. And also that every man got married solely for a broodmare. I daresay if you ask any man, they'd be far more pleased to have a sex goddess than a mommy anyway. :)

-"You are of the world if you don't want children!"
I can't respond to this because I'm not even sure what it's supposed to mean. That one is selfish? Because there are NO selfish reasons for wanting kids, like that you want someone to love you, or you want to pass on your genes/world viewpoint, or that you want to save your relationship, or that you just didn't think about it and assumed it's just "what people do", or that you blindly followed your hormones (living for the body rather than the spirit, anyone, if you wanna play their game?), or that you "just wanted" one even if you wouldn't be a good parent for whatever reason, or that you wanted a cute little baby to parade around, or you just wondered what a child of you and your SO looked like, or you couldn't be bothered to use birth control, or...I could go on and on.
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From:alleukemist
Date:March 14th, 2011 06:35 am (UTC)
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I have a question for you, guys. First of all, allow me to assure you that you are right in doubting the argument that atheists can be stopped by reproduction of christians or any other religious people. We, atheists, win not by reproducing, but by the power of reason. A child from a christian family may well turn out to be an atheist, and I know such examples.
Secondly, I have a question for you. Not having children is perfectly fine with me (although I have one), it is a matter of choice of a free human being. Being a christian is also fine because it is also your choice. Not having children and being a christian is also fine as long as you are abstinent (a prominent example was mentioned above Jesus). But not having children, being christian and having sex?! Come on guys, there is some discrepancy here. God gave you this pleasure so that you would bear children, so if not you are kind of tweaking the plan here. Please tell me how you rationalize this to yourself.
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From:low_on_mana
Date:June 14th, 2011 02:06 am (UTC)
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Sex isn't just for popping out children. It's to get closer to your spouse on a whole another level; to become one flesh.

Christians who do not want to have children do not need to be abstinent, that's just ridiculous. If you are married, sex is important.