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Sep. 3rd, 2011 @ 11:02 pm Introducing Myself
Let me tell you about me. My
hubby and I have no desire to have kids, while I still find then cute (I
adore my 7 nieces and nephews) my hubs finds them almost repulsive (I
have had to put him in check a few times when were around crying babies
and tots). We are both in are earlier 30s and we are quite fine living
life with out a screaming child around. We are lucky enough to have a
family who completely supports our decisions even my sisters who have a
bunch of their own say “it is not for everyone”. My Sister in Laws are
great about it to. Even the one who disparately wants one and can’t
doesn’t give me grief (wish I could give her my womb). Lets face it my
Mother is an adoring Grandparent but is pretty grateful not to have
another Christmas or Birthday present to buy.
But the worst cases come from co-workers (most who aren’t even
christian) try to convince me that I will want to change my mind (oh
this drives me insane). I told them if was 20 I could see you telling me
that but I am almost 32 now. They often forget how much older I am then
I look. I look about 22 (or so I been told). Many of them tried to talk
me out of having my hubs go through with the trim job (as a friend of
ours jokingly put it). I had my lead call us selfish. One insisted I
must be doing it because of my husband and that’s just not true we been
together for years and after dating man after man I realized the thought
of having a child horrified me.
Most of our
close friends are also supportive and NOW we belong to a church that
doesn’t have an “opinion” on the matter. My pastor hates getting caught
up on Dogma that isn’t quite clear in the bible and would probably get
testy if someone actually made us feel guilty and “unholy, selfish
people”. But I will say there is a bit of pause and silence with a
shocked look on there faces when I tell them my husband had vicitumy.
This was usually brought up because people insist “well if you have sex
kids will probably come and birth control isn’t 100%”. After getting
sick of hearing it we come right out and tell them “Ya Dan got snipped”.
Though most of the Christian world hasn’t been as calm and just
annoying about it like my church is. Many may even say most are
condemning. I know my our old church would still be trying to convince
to have kids and would probably keep the snip job a secret. Not all
objected to us not “wanting” kids but many tried to makes us think some
day we will change our minds. I had an old pastors wife (who has 8 kids
by the way) insist I would want them. She even said “Oh come work in the
nursery with me you will learn to love them.” The thought horrified me
and I explained to her I have been an aunt sense I was 11 I know what
kids are like and it is not (and mostly not if you ask me) warm and
fuzzy. She insisted I would and need to change my mind. I would also get
*well Kelly if you want to be a wife children come along with that”.
Then Dan and I started dating ,while still going there and taking on a
ton of church responsibilities because us single childless people have
that sort of time. We dated for 3 years and during I think what was our
2.5 year period left our church (for many unhealthy reasons that didn’t
revolve around not having kids) and went to our new church. We got
engaged about 6 months later and Married in February. While we keep in
touch with many of our old church friends and most of them we don’t talk
about that with except the few that are OK with our decision. Well
thanks for making this. There are not many of us out there (or at least
not coming out of our own closet if you will) and it is nice to see I am
not the only Freak who doesn’t wish to give birth.
About this Entry
Kelly Spitzer Johnson:
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Date:September 4th, 2011 07:45 pm (UTC)
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I have never understood the "if you don't have kids, you're being selfish" spiel. To me, kids are the selfish ones, living off their parents' good will for ~20 years of their lives. :p
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From:Kelly Spitzer Johnson
Date:September 5th, 2011 03:18 am (UTC)
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I lived with my Mom until I got married at 31 that was 6 months ago. Though it wasn't for selfish reasons. I didn't have a choice times are tough. I just finally got a job that can make ends meet. Actually when I first got it my Mom insisted I didn't move out and save my money unless Dan (now my hubs) and I got married. We got married about a year later ;)!
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Date:September 7th, 2011 04:19 am (UTC)
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If this was Facebook, I'd "like" your comment. =)
Date:January 6th, 2013 07:38 pm (UTC)
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I know exactly what you mean. I have no desire for kids either and have had first hand experience at helping others raise their own. My former church leader is quite condemning on the issue and calls anyonw who doesn't want kids selfish and thinks we shouldn't get married. I don't agree. It's selfish or worthy of hellfire, it's my choice. Don't tell those folks your business any more. And should they bring it up just say it's our business and we'd appreciate if you'd respect that. God's on your side so keep ignoring man's weightless opinions.