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Who We Are
We are Christians who have chosen, for whatever reason, not to have children. We are satisfied, even happy with this choice to remain childfree. We are not childless. We have no desire for children in our lives. We will not "change our minds when we're older". We don't believe that it's "different when they're your own." Nor do we believe that we are living in sin for choosing to not have children. We are Childfree. We are diverse. And we believe in Jesus Christ.
Points of Interest
Spirituality: The Crisis Within The Childfree Community -- Enlightenment : The Shame of Not Wanting Children -- We've Heard It All Before
Current Month
Dec. 14th, 2009 @ 01:08 pm Blog by a CF Christian
I hope it is okay to post about a blog I've been reading that I've found very interesting. Since the blogger is Christian and CF I felt it was relevant. :) However it is not specifically a Christian blog. People from all beliefs who are CF (and sometimes not) discuss there. You may have come across it before. It's called "Like It Is". I'll post here a link to an blog entry of particular importance: the experience of the author being CF in a church and sadly having to leave church as a result of many at her church feeling it was Anti-Christian to be childfree.


I think the members of this community will enjoy her entries. Sometimes in the comments some controversial issues come up (population control/abortion, roman catholic church heated discussions), so here's a heads up to that. It's all discussed in a civil manner however.
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Jun. 25th, 2009 @ 03:52 am funny, but true...
Excuse the spelling and grammar errors, they're not mine...

song chart memes
see more Funny Graphs

Though granted, sometimes people aren't trying to argue against your childfreedom--they just don't know about it, and say presumptuous things like this. Anyone have an experience to share? I'll go first:

A couple of weeks ago, my fiancé and I went to the dedication for the child that my cousins just adopted. (See, we don't hate kids! Lol.) We ran into an old family friend that hadn't met my fiancé yet, and we ended up in the buffet line next to her. After telling us that we looked like brother and sister (yeah, we kinda do...), she laughed and said, "Well, I guess you know what your kids will look like!"

We were both silent, not sure how to even go about explaining--sigh, hyper-religious people of the marriage-is-for-babymakin'-strain, and not wanting to make a scene at someone else's major life event--and before we could come up with anything we ended up getting split up to go through different lines.

Cross-posted to pcos_childfree
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Mar. 27th, 2009 @ 01:19 am an interesting incident from a job interview
Adapted (for privacy) from a personal journal entry, and x-posted to pcos_childfree 
For context: after a shamefully long period of unemployment, I was finally hired today. =D

...I did interview for another job on the same day, and I kind of hoped that I'd get that one instead, but it didn't work out like that. Oh well. Interesting thing that happened at the interview, though--the woman asked me if I had any kids. This right after saying that the job was flexible for those who had kids at home, needed to call in because they were sick, etc. Of course I told her no, thinking that that would be an asset to me since my not having kids means they're not going to detract from work. I was going to tack on that I wasn't married yet--which is not the point, since my fiancé aren't having kids even when we are married, but most of the time when a stranger is getting too nosy, this will quiet them down, because they're not going to encourage you to go into single motherhood. =P But this woman was one of those that won't let you get in a word edgewise (this is important)--other than asking when I could expect to hear from her, and how much it paid, I don't think I got to say anything more than two or three words at a time.

Well, anyway, I must have been a bit too enthusiastic for her tastes, because she was like, "Well, you're saying that like you don't want them!" Which I don't, but I couldn't interject that. She then went on to say that her own daughter (who, I gathered, is around my age or a bit younger) is still in the "puppy stage"--"She thinks it'll be easier to have a puppy than kids!"

I just kind of laughed that off, but really, if a dog is more work than a kid...YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. I don't know if you're neglecting your kid or spoiling your dog rotten, but either way something is warped! So the daughter is Actually Quite Right in thinking that, IMHO.

Also, I was kind of shocked that she carried on with it--I can understand the question as it is relevant to a job (yes, I know, technically it's not legal to ask about an employee's personal life, etc etc, but I don't mind being asked to an extent, if it actually pertains to availability or whatnot), but to comment on a HIGHLY personal choice--assuming I've made the typical one, assuming I CAN make the typical one and don't have fertility issuse--IDK. It just irked me. And then calling it a stage like I'll grow out of it!! >_<

Earlier today I ran across an LJ entry by a friend of mine. She was talking about starting a petition to make "Why are you single?" one of the socially unacceptable questions, like asking a stranger when she's due, or asking a woman her age. I think any questions about when a couple is going to have kids should be off-limits as well. She was talking about how the "why are you single?" thing is usually well-meant ("You're so cool/funny/awesome, I can't understand why no man has snatched you up!"), but it makes the person being asked think over the last painful breakup, or think that maybe there IS something wrong with them, etc. "When are you having kids?" is similar in that the asker has no idea about the circumstances--the person being asked may want them and not be able to have them, and be touchy about it, or maybe the couple is waiting to be in a better place financially, or like me, may just plain not think kids are the be-all, end-all of human existence. The thing of it is, it's not really their business why, and besides that, they're running the risk of bringing up a very painful subject in some cases. No, we don't have any kids. Period. That should be the end of it.



A) Does this qualify as a bingo? If so it'll be the first one I've gotten from a stranger!
B) Would you sign that petition? ^_-
C) Any other thoughts? I would really like to see more discussion going on around here!!
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Mar. 13th, 2009 @ 11:43 am Curiosity gets to me.
I was wondering whether any of my fellow CF Christians are involved with the lives of children, despite not wanting any of their own.

I volunteer as the youth group advisor at my church, as well as singing in the contemporary praise band and serving as substitute Sunday School teacher. In the summer my husband and I both help out with Vacation Bible School. The general consensus is that it's a shame I don't have kids of my own because I'm so good with them. However, since I actually can't have kids, nobody bingos me about it.

Do any of the rest of you work with kids in some way? Teaching or volunteer work are the obvious possibilities, but I also mean just in terms of having personal relationships with nieces/nephews, godchildren, neighbor's kids, etc. Does this increase the likelihood of you getting bingoed? I'm pretty sure I'd be getting it if I didn't have the biological out (there are occasional mumblings of "you could adopt," but these are surprisingly few). I recently heard the bit about "you're so good with the youth group" again, and it got me thinking.
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Mar. 6th, 2009 @ 11:37 am Hacker warning
Apologies to the mods; I was posting this to all the communities I personally moderate, and I thought it should be mentioned here too.

There is some malware/virus going around LJ hacking accounts for mods in large communities that posts an announcement with links that says they are closing the community. Then proceeding to do so.

If you see an announcement purporting to be from the mods that this or any other community you are in is shutting down:


Please report it if you see this going on here or elsewhere and let those mods know. They seem to mainly be attacking extremely large communities, so we're probably safe, but I'm posting this just in case.

More info can be seen here: http://upstart-crow.livejournal.com/346623.html
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Feb. 11th, 2009 @ 11:15 am Interesting article
I came across this while looking for something completely unrelated and thought it might be of interest to this community.

Why I Choose to Be Childfree in Church

Her frustration is palpable, and probably something that many of us have experienced in our own faith histories. I actually really enjoy the kids in my church -- I taught Sunday School for two years, I'm the youth group advisor, and I direct the annual Christmas pageant -- but I could still relate to a lot of what she was saying.
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Jan. 25th, 2009 @ 09:23 pm Hi.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
I don't know if I've ever posted on here before, but I'm doing it now so oh well. I have a question, have any of you child free christian done whatever needed to be done to remain child free permanently? I'm talking sterilization. If not, are you considering? If so, did you struggle with the decision before or after?
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Dec. 5th, 2008 @ 01:04 am Conflicts between issues and church.
Has anyone here had their political beliefs keep them away from church?

I am Christian and pro-choice. I don’t believe I could ever personally get an abortion (though I may feel differently if the situation came up), but I absolutely believe that they should be available to those who do need/want them.

This has been a problem at church because, as a lot of churches are pro-life, we’ve had speakers in for “Sanctity of Life” days, and our church recently participated in the 40 Days of Life. It’s just things of that nature that make me uncomfortable at church anymore. My husband assures me that there are other people at our church that feel the same way I do, and that not everyone is always going to agree with the pastor. But I still feel like I am being preached at.

(I have similar problems with church when it comes to GLBT issues and rights, but that’s not childfree related.)

It just really upsets me, because I don’t want to feel like I’m drifting away from God, but I just can’t stand hearing how wrong what I believe in is all the time. Maybe I just need to find some sort of bible study course and have my own worship time instead of forcing myself to go to church.
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Aug. 6th, 2008 @ 02:22 pm Intro Post, Of Sorts
The subject of babies has been coming up a lot in my life lately. Really ever since Angelina Jolie graced the red carpet with her gorgeous twin filled belly. Then my dreams of babies started. I think it was three weeks of non-stop dreams about babies. Having babies, getting a baby, holding babies, playing with babies, people giving me their babies...oh my gosh! Every time I closed my eyes I'd dream about having a baby.

Babies just seem to be popping up a lot. At least it's not like Christmas 2005 when most of the women I knew were either having a baby that month or were announcing their pregnancies. I felt so weirded out. I've never been a traditional person and I started to wonder why I didn't feel that overwhelming desire that most of my girl friends felt for having babies. I even tried to convince myself that I was missing out on something; but later I realized that what I really wanted was all the attention they were getting. I loved the attention I got when Mike and I got married, who wouldn't want that again? Princess for a day!

Mike and I talked this weekend about having kids and he's said that he really, really doesn't want kids. He said "not now" but then went on to explain that he thinks that kids today are just awful and that very few parents are being real parents. "Parents aren't in control anymore, they all feel like they have to be their kids' best friend." Every time we go out and some child starts screaming because she wants something and mom starts yelling and telling the child to be quiet or even shut up I just cringe. I even get the urge to gag - and I'm not being silly, I really feel that way. I get this horrible physical reaction to these types of families. And I'm not generalizing by saying all kids are this way - every kid and every parent has a bad day - you can tell the difference in the tantrum. It's the families where the screaming is so loud and forceful and demanding that you know that this is a common occurence. It's those people that make me leave wherever I am.

As Mike and I talked I realized that if we don't have kids, it's okay. I like things the way they are right now. We're finally seeing the light at the end of our debt tunnel and it gets closer every paycheck, which means we're getting closer to being able to do more things and explore our interests more. For instance, I'd still really like to take some graphic design classes. Mike wants to get a motorcycle. We both want to travel (although we both want to lose a little weight so the plane seats will be more comfortable).

For instance, this morning I brought him lunch and I just said, "I miss you today." I don't know why I said it but he smiled and said, "Yeah, I miss you today too." Because I didn't really expect me to say I missed him, I was doubly shocked to hear him say it too. I said, "Do you really?" He said, "Yeah, today has been a long day." And he smiled the smile he only smiles for me. It made me feel really loved to know that when he's having a bad day he knows it'll get better when he sees me. I don't think I'd actually recognized that before, or if I did I just took it for granted.

During our conversation last weekend, Mike said, "Before we have kids we have to take at least one big trip somewhere. Because after that it'll be 18 years before we can really afford to travel again." OMG! 18 years?! What?! I was shocked! For so long I didn't do things because I was so overcome with anxiety. Now that I'm feeling adventurous I can't imagine not being able to do the things I want when I want to do them.

At first I said, "yeah, one big trip would be nice." But then I started thinking about the four years my parents and I lived in Germany and how awesome it was just to jump in the car and go somewhere new. Mike and I won't be joining the military anytime soon, and I doubt he'd join the Peace Corps., so traveling won't be as easy for us with a kid as it was for my parents. It's easy when you live in the middle of Europe (okay not the exact middle), but not when you live in the US and want to go to Europe.

We made a list then of all the good things there are about not being parents. Mike's first comment was, "Look at your Aunt Deb and Uncle Terry. They don't have kids and they seem really happy." He's right. When we visited them for a weekend a few years ago, they were just adorable in a non-gross kind of way. Their nickname for each other was Bug. My Uncle Terry was a hoot, telling us all kinds of stories that I'm sure were fudged just a little bit (kind of like the way my dad tells stories!) to which my Aunt Deb would get on to him for not telling the story the right way. I loved watching them and how playful they were. They did a lot of things together - traveling and going to dog shows and doing the stuff that they enjoyed. They didn't seem sad without children.

My parents are good role models for lasting marriage. But I think my Uncle Terry and my Aunt Deb are also good role models for lasting marriage without kids. It's nice to have four adults showing Mike and I how to have a successful marriage.

Mike even suggested that we should really start making a point to be a part of our the lives our two nephews and our step-niece. That way if we ever just want to hang around kids we'll have some kids to be around. But then we can go away when we both get tired or bored or annoyed *lol*.
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the words
Aug. 3rd, 2008 @ 10:55 pm The Dating Question

As the so-called odd duck in two ponds, how does being childfree and Christian affect the dating process?  Is this something you bring up quickly, to filter out dates who obviously won’t be a match later on?  Have you found a hot spot for meeting like-minded single individuals?  Do you feel pressure from family, co-workers, or congregation members to date more often, or face awkward, personal inquiries?

I’m not sure I have a lot of answers for the above questions.  My church isn’t overflowing with women in my age group, nor has anyone asked me a lot of questions about my status.  Looking 16 years old helps out in that category, I guess.  I certainly get hounded by the family at every opportunity though. 

The depressing part is, at times the odds seem overwhelming.  Unlike the more superficial attributes that you might be looking for in a partner, like “green eyes” or “enjoys swimming”, the whole Christian and childfree checkboxes are kind of a dealbreaker.  When you look at that as an immediate qualification factor for dates, it changes the game very dramatically.  The clubs, speed dating, and matchmaking sites all seem to me to be geared towards that high volume of women in their twenties, hearing their biological clocks ticking, trying to find the right guy so they can settle down and start making babies.  If you’re after something different, you’re out of luck. 

Chime in and tell everyone what you think about this subject, i.e. any/all of the above.

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